Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
