just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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