haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
