mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
