Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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