I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
