No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Randomize
