I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
