Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ðŸ˜ðŸ’€#pensacolaproblems
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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