Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
