i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
