so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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