I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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