I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize