whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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