I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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