I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
