He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
