my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How external is "for external use only"?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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