im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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