Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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