New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
