I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I AM VODKA MAN
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
