Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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