What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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