I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
