I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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