I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize