yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
