Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
