he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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