yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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