somebody snuck up and got me drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
