I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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