Your face is a jimmy john
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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