Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
