So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
