Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
