i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
