You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
