I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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