Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize