if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
