I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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