Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
