I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
