why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize