Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize