on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
