My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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