You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
