my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
