i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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