Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
