btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize