hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
