so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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