New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
