checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
