See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
