I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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