My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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