life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
