Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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