my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
