With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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