you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
