I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
