She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize