Moan for me like Helen Keller
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
