he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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