dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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