my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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