I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
